Dani gets married

I'm so delighted for her.

So happy to discover that Dani has had a baby

So thrilled for her!

Correspondence with Dani (year after break-up)

Hi G,

How are you ? Hope you are well and had a good weekend. Seems like a very long time since we caught up....what have you been up to ? I've seen a few piccies on your FB page of bushwalks, camping and South Africa -    looks like you've been adventuring a fair bit. How is Mack ? your fam ? and Alex and Sue ?

I'm still at UTS and enjoying it though it is busy and intense as we're finishing 3 buildings this year. 1 down 2 to go. They renewed my contract for another 3 years so I'm very happy about that. Still paddling though not so regularly - club politics, or paddletics, are getting to me again so don't think I'll renew my membership next season. Happy doing coffee cruises with friends and rubber necking at wildlife (some things don't change). My fam is good. Mum and Dad just came back from 6 weeks oversees hiking, sightseeing etc in Europe. Nat and the kids are good though Andrew is recovering from an ankle operation so is getting waited on hand and foot (pun intended). Zak is very passionate about his surf photography; almost as much as Sally is about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles !

Just thought I'd let you know that I've been seeing someone for just over a year now. His name is Paul and he's also a sustainability manager. We met at a David Suzuki lecture ! We are actually moving in together this coming weekend - up to Hornsby. Sad to leave my lovely little unit so close to the City but it feels right and I'm looking forward to more space, an actual backyard and not having to listen to my wannabe rock god neighbour strangling his guitar. Ahh the serenity. Just thought I'd let you know in case I post something on FB...

Anyways, would be good to hear your news. I hope you are happy, healthy and enjoying life :)

Ciao,

Dani



Hi Dani

When I was in South Africa in April, I went on a canoeing trip in the wilderness. One night I lay on the ground and looked out into the vast night sky and my thoughts turned to you as they sometimes do.  I wished from the bottom of my heart that you were happy and well and that you'd found love with someone really special.  As I wished it, three shooting stars shot out across the sky in instant succession.  I was absolutely awe-struck as I'd never seen anything like it. And I was also filled with a great sense of peace that surely this was some kind of sign that everything was well with you.

I was so, so happy to read your e-mail the other night and to learn that this wasn't wishful thinking.

I'm sending you positive vibes as you move to Hornsby - that everything goes smoothly and beautifully. Hornsby may be further away from the city, but at least it is on a direct train line and you're always sure to get a seat. Think of all the great books you'll be able to read on your commute.  Maybe even put your Kindle to great use.  It will be lovely to have a backyard too.  You'll be able to make up for last time with lots and lots of delicious barbecues.

You made me chuckle when you mentioned the irritating guitar player in your block.  My neighbour has taken up the trumpet (of all things!) and he's been playing the same dreadful tune for months, often early in the morning, and never gets any better at it!  I've seriously considered phoning him up at 4 am each morning to tell him how much I enjoy his playing.

You asked for some news from my side so here goes ...

2013, after our break up, was a very tough time for me emotionally. I found myself grappling with feelings, unimaginably deep, that left me reeling at times. It was also a time for deep reflection, and a time of great spiritual growth; a kind of opening of my heart that allowed me to feel emotions I've been blocking for years. A priceless gift, though painful at the time.

2014 has been a wonderful year, one of the happiest of my life. I spent nearly two months in South Africa and connected more deeply with my family than ever before, especially with my little nephew.  On the Sydney front, I've thrown myself into many wonderful hiking adventures, capturing the wonder of nature with my camera as I go, and making some very special friendships along the way. My meditation practice keeps getting deeper and I feel more and more connected to something greater than me that I cannot name or define, nor would ever want to.  It gives me an immense sense of calm and trust.  I'm still playing tennis and my dodgy forearm has suddenly come right which means I just about always beat poor Brendan these days, much to his disgust!  Work's going great and I still find time to work on my quotations project which I firmly believe is going to change the world of online quotes and earn me enough passive income to free me up to travel and photograph all the world's remaining wild places (I live in hope!)

On the romantic front, I made a conscious decision to stay single for a year after we split up; to focus instead on broadening my circle of friends and getting total clarity on what I wanted for my life. And then, in June this year, as if by clockwork, I fell for a lovely South African girl who I met through hiking.  We got really close, but a few weeks ago she left for a year long sabbatical in Africa to train to be a nature guide and do volunteering which she's been planning to do for years.  I'll join her next year to explore Mozambique together.

Mack is as gorgeous and wonderful as ever, although he's suffering a bit from what the vet thinks may be mild arthritis, so I'm not walking him as much as before. Liza is still a big part of his life.  We always see the vet together and I think he is extremely curious as to the exact nature of our relationship.  We so clearly have absolutely nothing in common. Except for an endless mutual adoration for a little furry creature.  And that counts for everything.

You asked about Su and Alex.  Well, a short while after we separated, Su happily announced that she was pregnant.  She asked if they could continue to stay in the house after the baby was born. I immediately said yes, feeling it was meant to be.  They got married in November at Balmoral Beach and I took photos. And then on Jan 15, beautiful little Amilie was born.  She was the perfect baby, often sleeping 12 hours shifts, and just about never crying and I was a very proud and doting "uncle". Then in June, they decided to emigrate to Europe, and at the end of July they left and took their (my!!!) baby with them.  I felt sad but very grateful to have experienced it all.

Your positive influence continues to live on in my life ...

• I still use my slow cooker often
• I've been to all the National Geographic presentations at the Opera House after enjoying Matthias Klum so very much (that was honestly the best present I think I ever got)
• I live in excited (almost cold turkey type) anticipation of the next series of Game of Thrones and The Walking Dead which you, of course, introduced me to (having now gone to the dark side and become a compulsive downloader of movies!)
• I continue to use the word "nana nap" to describe what has become a regular practice.
• I went to another fancy dress not so long ago, and wore my mullet again!!
• I still think of you when I have a mocha, though I've greatly cut down on my caffeine fix.

Anyway, that's enough news I'm sure. There's always tons more on my blog, which I continue to update religiously, much to the delight of my mum and my 80 year old self.

Wishing you all things wonderful.  Plenty of happiness, joy, excitement, adventure, wonder, fun and laughter. A relationship full of love, connection, sharing, support and mutual discovery.  And Saturday morning paddles jam packed with exhilarating wildlife sightings.

With love,
G

PS  If you're looking to do an amazing but relatively unknown hike that's not far away, I can't recommend this one enough.  You'd love it!!

PS PS  If Zak ever puts his surf photos online, please send me the link as I'd love to see them. He and I seem to share so many passions.

Danilicious

 

 

     

Favourite memories with Dani

2012 Memories

• Meeting in Kiribili pub (I forgot to pay for the drinks, talking for ages, driving her home.)  
• Breakfast in Waverton and taking Dani home to meet Mack.
• Our first big date, going to a fancy restaurant for scollops.  Apple cider exploding. Holding her when we shared an umbrella.
• Going roller-blading and holding hands for first time, then going to cinema to watch Prometheus and eating at Nando's.
• Friday night dancing steps
• Govindas (Marigold Hotel) - and holding hands.
• My first time at Cremorne Orpheum to watch The Sapphires.  
• Our first kiss after watching Alien and Aliens. She laughed!
• Sending flowers to her work day after.  "Hope your day is as radiant as your smile."
• Sydney Olympic park to watch The Footie. (end Jun)
• 2 Creeks Hike - then Mexican restaurant.  (end June)
• Dee Why while Dani house sitting Natalie's house  (Jul)
• Writing Dani a letter.
• Chorus Line
• To Natalie and Andrew for lamb dinner and having so much in common with Zac.
• Whale watching (Aug)
• Walks around Sydney along coast (fortifications & nude swim, Middle Head)
• Ice skating at UTS  (Aug)
• Evening with Brendan
• Blue Mountains weekend away (key in the dark, two hikes, Italian restaurant, Leura)  (Aug)
• Her letter to me before South Africa.
• Texts while I was in South Africa plus Skype chat.
• Dani's 40th - picnic at the park in Kirribilli.
• Zac's birthday dinner - meeting her mum and dad.
• Fancy dress in Blue Mountains for Dani's 40th - and walking.
• Frisbee in the park
• Radical Reels (Nov)
• Matthias Klum for my birthday.  (Dec)
• Getting Xmas presents for her family (mum & dad a book, chocolates for Andrew & Natalie, helicopter for Zac, toy for Sally)
• Her wonderful Xmas gift of a slow cooker.
• Our roadtrip (Farm, birds, Waterfall Way, Cathedral Rock,  Koala place,  Dubbo, NY eve, Mudgee)

2013 memories

• Dragon boat racing
• Flowers "Just because"  She Facebooked it.
• Game of Thrones,  Breaking Bad
• Getting me into Walking Dead
• University student art exhibit  (Mar)
• Showing me old photos (Cambridge)
• Hunter Valley  (Mar)
• Ocean Festival  (Mar)
• To Shelly Beach for snorkelling.
• Port Stephens  (Apr)
• Shopping for DVD.
• Shopping for clothes.
• Into the city for Chinese - wrong park!
• Sailing on the harbour (Apr)
• Kayaking Clontarf to Manly and trying out Honu (Apr)
• Sirius Cove with Mack (Apr)
• To pub in Mosman with friends for birthday.
• Banff Mountain Festival (May)
• To friends for dinner (chef)  (Jun)

Rituals

• Doing my little dance before bed
• Evening texts
• Paddling on Saturday mornings
• Phoning after paddling to decide what we'd do
• A big hug when we greeted
• Greeting her at her door to her apartment
• Macedamian nuts on her table and the crusher
• Driving her to station in morning (before work)
• Watching her get dressed (always up first)
• Showering together
• Thai take-away
• Washing up by rinsing and leaving.
• Mocha and newspaper in bed on a Saturday morning
• Saturday markets (Paddy, Kirribilli)
• Couch surfing (reclining), watching TV, hand on leg
• Finding parking outside her house (often difficult)
• Mocha - mutual love
• Listening to work updates (Mark) and giving support.
• Listening to paddling politics.

Things I loved about her

• Holding hands in movies
• Hand on leg in movie, car
• Love of all things French
• Sporty and her sporty clothes
• Love of Science fiction, disaster and apocolyptic movies
• I'll have to do my happy, happy, joy, joy booty shaking victory dance!
• Her lovely bottom
• Sportiness and sporty clothes
• Her wonder for wildlife, especially whales, dolphins, penguins
• Love for paddling (her meditation)
• Her belief in girl power
• Sentimentality (still had everything in her cupboard, including her soft toys)
• All her medals and necklaces
• Pride in her car - scared to park in roofed parking
• Her lovely smelling hair
• Her love of hugs
• Playing with Sally. 
• The way spoke about friend's babies.
• How amazing she looked when dressed up.
• Unexpectedly stabbing my mouth with her tongue when kissing
• The thoughts that went into her gifts (to me, Xmas presents for the family)
• Fear of creepy children and clowns (in movies)

Expressions

• G-lishious
• G-Force, Delilah
• Oooh, La lah!
• Woo hoo!!
• Giddy Up
• Ending texts with "hugs"
• "You're so funny" (with my navigation)
• How was your day?
• Mmmmmm.

Cinema

• The Marigold Hotel
• The Saphires
• Radical Reels
• Banff Mountain festival
• Contiki
• Les Miserables
• Ocean Festival
• Life of Pi
• Samsara
• Silver Linings Playbook
• Argo
• Moonrise Kingdom
• Prometheus
• Skyfall
• The Great Gatsby
• Beasts of the Southern Wilds  (director was there!!)
• The Hobbit
• The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

DVD's

• Breaking Bad (S 1- 4)
• Funny Face
• Game of Thrones (S1 - 3)
• Jack Reacher
• Limitless
• Looper
• Pretty Woman
• Ruby Spark
• Searching for Sugarman
• Second World
• The Apartment
• Vertigo
• Welcome
• 21 Jump Street
• Drive
• Hall Pass
• Hunger Games
• Man on a Ledge
• Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows
• This Means War
• The Five Year Engagement
• The Hunger Games
• The Separation (Iranian)

Restaurants

• Fancy restaurant (Scollops)
• Thai restaurant (hers)
• Nandos (Chatswood, Neutral Bay)
• Mexican (Two Creeks)
• Italian (Blue Mountains, both trips)
• Chinese (Blue Mountains)
• Pizza (Blue Mountains)
• Hunter Valley (desserts)
• Hunter Valley (pizza)
• Nepalese
• Spanish Tapas
• Radio Cairo (then to 80's party)
• Into the city for Chinese - wrong park!
• Thai (Neutral Bay)
• Thai (Waverton)
• French (Anniversary)

Cooking

• Tiramisu 
• Belgian Waffles
• Her delicious Irish stew from her deep bowls.
• Lamb we made for Xmas
• Roast beef with garlic pushed in.
• Cooking for her (steak, Ossu Buccu, dinner party with Sue and Alex, spag bol)

Related

• More photos

Letter before break up

 Dear Dani

I've been thinking a lot today and feeling so, so sad, and I realise a big part of that sadness is due to remorse and regrets and wishing I'd done some important things differently.

My greatest regret is to have caused you pain. I've loved you for a long time and no one deserves happiness more than you - and it hurts like hell that I've made you hurt so much.

I'm also sorry that I didn't talk to you about my experience of depression early in our relationship. It's something I've always been ashamed of and seen as a sign of weakness and hidden even from my best friends - even Russell.  In my relationship with you, I was terrified you'd judge me and reject me because of it, especially knowing about my dad.  I convinced myself that it happened over 12 years ago, and that it isn't relevant in my life any more.  But, as I've realised from the soul searching I've done this week, it is.  You deserve to have known about it. By keeping it from you, I stopped you from seeing all the aspects of me and I didn't properly let you in.

I'm sorry I didn't have the courage to confront my concerns about having a child much earlier on - and realise that it was such an issue for me.  I should have explored it far more when I initially went to see the counsellor and the fear of you becoming pregnant came up as a possible factor.  I allowed myself to get distracted by other things - when that was the most important issue to explore by far because of its implications for us. 

I'm sorry that in our relationship, I have focused so much on the present and not nearly enough on the future. I've been so busy loving being with you and relishing your company and sharing experiences with you, that I didn't think enough and talk to you enough about where we were headed.  I focused on bringing happiness to you in the moment, but I didn't project the possibility of bringing you greater unhappiness in the future.  I wish I'd been more courageous in asking you of your dreams and hopes and expectations.  It would have brought us to talk more about children and made me confront things.

I realise that you're most likely feeling angry with me - and I understand that. I fear too that you're feeling regret about our whole relationship, that you are feeling that it has distracted you from getting what you really want for the future at such an important time in your life. I understand that too - although it hurts to think about it. You're such an amazing, beautiful, wonderful person and it has been such a blessing to know you that I can't regret for a second having had you in my life.  But I do so, so regret the way things are now and causing you hurt. 

I'm not writing this email to ask you for any reassurance and there is no pressure to reply. I realise our relationship is almost certainly over. I realise that you need lots of time to process things.   I just wanted to let you know how I'm feeling and that I'm thinking of you constantly and hoping you are ok.  If there is anything you need, I'm here.

G

1st Anniversary with Dani