}

8 March 1997

Fear

Niggling fear
like a worm that wriggles, and hisses like a snake.
Shivers in my heart in the deep of the night.
Burgeoning.  Out of control.
Hot, writhing, rods in my bowels.
Want to hide - anywhere dark.
Away from this hell.
From the scrutiny that will come.
From the pressure -
the pressure that is being tightened like a vice around my skull.
Got to be perfect.
But I'm stupid!   Inferior.
They'll find out!  They'll know.
Oh, the pressure.  Time, so little time.
Round and round and round, no escape.
Got to prove I can. 
Squeeze it out.  Try harder.  Come on.
An agonised cry.  What is wrong with me!!!!
They will watch.  I feel so useless.  Helpless.
The vice tightens.
I feel my skull pressure.  I feel the bones crack.
I sense my hand as it tightens the screws.

Written: 1997

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